new friends

Nate has three imaginary friends which he's had for a couple of  months and have become pretty normal with us- in fact their last names are Moshan according to Nate. They are Mingo, Ningo and Taco. Mingo is the ring leader and lives in the ceiling with the other two. Sometimes they are small, sometimes they have no mouth, or no hair, or one day-- no head! They seem to be responsible for things we can't explain-- a pair of sneakers on a telephone wire, a broken picture frame. And often they are hanging out where Nate just was... but in the ceiling there.  Today Nate tole me Mingo was going to be late to mat (streb) class so I asked if we should tell the teacher. Nate said "no, Mingo told Taco. It's ok." Then Nate saw Mingo and Taco on the street together so we guessed they would likely be on time after all. And they were ... I think. 

In general he seems so smart to me lately really understanding concepts and schedules. Today we talked about missing Luka who moved away. I thought Nate didn't really understand but when I asked him where Luka was he said: Ohio. Even I forgot it was Ohio he moved to! He also pushed the right button in the elevator when our co rider said "23 please."

Mack and Baby Michael

Mack (top) and I look alike I think. Right? I'm going to like this kid...

Beard

MY BEARD IS GETTING MORE AND MORE GRAY IT'S INFURIATING -- WHEN NATE WAS BORN I HAD THE BEARD OF A YOUNG MAN, AND NOW IT'S TURNING GRAY ON THE CHIN AND MORE AND MORE AROUND THE SIDES IT'S LIKE 60/40 PEPPER TO SALT GRRRR!!! IT'S NATE AND MACK'S FAULT AND THEY DON'T SEEM REMOTELY CONCERNED OR HAVE ANY REMORSE ABOUT IT! I WOULD FEEL TERRIBLE IF I TURNED THEIR HAIR GRAY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM! MY BEARD AND I ARE ON OUR OWN THAT'S THE LESSON HERE. WE NEED REST GOD DAMN IT THAT'S THE ONLY CHANCE WE HAVE BUT OF COURSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. GRRR!!!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!! (THROWING A CHAIR INTO A WALL).

Weekend funnies

Mack seems to be on the improve--sleeping more, crying less. This weekend we took him in the car for the first time to Huntington and he did ok! Then we had a very nice weekend with the Moshans-- Mack bonded with Papa and Nana and we went to the beach with Nate where he threw rocks for Emma to retrieve. Everyone got to take naps.

And Nate has been so damn cute lately with his words and play--yesterday in the car he pretended to call Opa on his hand (phone) and he told him we were going to a party (we were headed to a BBQ). After we left the BBQ, we asked Nate what he thought of the party, and he said it was "sooo small--and no bagels!" Earlier in the car Nate wanted his water bottle which I forgot at home and he kept asking for it. Finally he just got quiet. Finally he said more to himself, "I miss water."

Here are some choice pics from the weekend:

Playground with Papa

On this weekend at Papa/Nana's, Nate hit the big playground. Love these photos.

I Miss

Nate's use of language is exploding; he's even conveying feelings. Like recently, before bed, we had this exchange that nearly tore my heart out:

Nate: I miss O-a (sad face)

Me: I miss Mimi.

Nate: Yeah...

Me: And Mommy too.

Nate: Yeah, Mommy too... I miss Nana (shy smile)

Me: Yeah, me too. I miss Papa

Nate: Me too. I miss Emma (bigger smile)

Me: Yeah. I miss Brookie

Nate: Yeah Brookie too. I miss A-ee (smiling)

Me: Yeah. I miss Mae.

Nate: Mae! Me too. I miss Say-ee (biggest smile)

Smile

Mack smiled. He really did. Is it learned or innate? Who cares!

Mack hasn't changed into a goofball though -- he's mostly pretty serious, especially about drinking his bottle and especially in a black and white portrait. Either way, the boy's handsome.

Ramones

When Nate wore this Ramones shirt, he was 6 months old. Mack, only 2 months old, looks good in his brother's hand-me-down. Nate though would tell Mack, When you wear this shirt my kid brother, you GOTTA make a cool face...

Losing It

At this point -- Mack is 2 months old tomorrow -- I am starting to buckle under the strain of sleeplessness and Mack's difficulty. I feel deep shame that I'm not more patient during the late hours when I'm alone with him and he's shrieking during a feeding. I am too rough or dismissive with him. Shana has gotten stronger but I'm wilting. It's upsetting. "I've got nothin' left" I whisper to him, my tone cold. He shrieks because he can't get out a burp, or is uncomfortable, or hungry, or who knows what. I confess this to Shana, who tells me it's normal. As a patient man, it feels horrible. But having been in crisis mode for 2 months now, I feel physically and emotionally beat, like, there's small bits of glass moving around in my veins. How much longer will this go on?

Two Boys

Crisis mode continues as we get towards the end of Mack's second month. Mack continues to shriek and spit up. His face contorts into terrible pain and exasperation. He fusses often and doesn't sleep enough. We need -- NEED -- moments like this, where our boys are together, sweet, funny. Nate has done his part with Mack -- he's warm and curious mostly. Nate is sleeping almost 12 hours a night these days, and he's not being woken up by Mack's cries.

Nate's language is exploding -- he's communicating so well, forming sentences, counting to 10, recognizing the letters "A" and "B" even. When we head towards the elevator, he says, "Nate button" and I say "Daddy button" and we run towards the elevators to see who can push the button first. "Nate door" means "Nate wants to open the door". It's so cute it makes my head hurt.