Thank you Family

We are not out of the woods yet, but it feels like a good time to thank the fam for the tremendous and ridiculous love and support these last 7 1/2 weeks. We'd be a puddle of goop without you. We are incredibly lucky. And Mack and Nate are so lucky to have you guys as grandparents.

Don't Lose Your Dinosaur

This scene in Step Brothers -- comedy perfection -- seems important as we wade deep into parenthood. I'm trying with all my might not to lose my dinosaur but it ain't easy...

• Mr. Doback: Listen to me. Dale, look, when I was a kid...when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard...and I chased the neighborhood cats, and I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And then one day, my dad said, "Bobby, you're 17. It's time to throw childish things aside." And I said, "Okay, Pop." But he didn't really say that, he said, "Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job." But, you know, I thought to myself, "I'll go to medical school...l'll practice for a little while, and then I'll come back to it.
• Brennan: How is that a skill?
• Mr. Doback: But I forgot how to do it.
• Dale: You're human. You could never be a dinosaur.
• Brennan:- Yeah.
• Mr. Doback:Hey, I lost it.
• Dale: Dad, what's the point?
• Brennan: Yeah.
• Mr. Doback: The point is... don't lose your dinosaur.

COLIC!!

Mack is colic. In the past, when parents complained to me about their colicky kids, I responded with things like, "That must be hard" or "No way that sounds insane." I more or less meant it -- there was empathy there -- but I didn't really know or contemplate what anyone was talking about. Often, I was thinking of other things, like cheese.

But now that my boy Mack is colic, I regret my narcissism and cold withdrawal. If I could speak to those parents now, I would say, "HOLY SHIT THIS SUCKS HOW ARE WE GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS??!!" The fussiness, irritabiltiy, red-faced shrieking, pissed off noises and general discomfort are relentless. There's little rest. But we have no choice; we plod on...

Deli Cheese

Deli cheese is to the Moshans, as tennis rackets are to the Federers, as literature is to the Updikes, as cycling is to the Armstrongs. Moshan men have been eating deli-slices of cheese -- often with the refrigerator door open -- for generations. That's why when Nate expressed interest in trying "Daddy cheese", I got goosebumps. This was Nate's first slice of cheese in his life. Think of the amount of deli cheese ahead for this boy. THINK OF IT!!

Nate Threw Up in his Poop!

Due to a lingering cold, Nate has had some yuck in his throat; you hear it when he coughs. Sometimes, he gags on it, the poor guy. On this evening, after eating a bowl of mac and cheese, Nate gagged on his phloem. The problem was that he was on the changing table, his diaper partly off, a large mushy poop exposed. He gagged, buckled, and puked, the mac and cheese shooting out of his mouth, landing in and around his poop. He cried some but when we saw the resulting mix of horrors, we thought it hilarious. How many times do you do that in your life?? Sure, it was grotesque, but it was also kind of awesome!!

Gas

So Mack is a gassy kid. He just can't seem to get settled. We changed his formula to this smelly super digestible kind; we changed his bottle to the kind that minimizes bubbles; we feed him slow and go for frequent burps. But he fusses. He doesn't sleep much during the day, forcing us to be in constant motion.

The family is struggling to cope. Shana is having a difficult time with Mack's neediness and screaming. Family is pouring in to help with both kids. I'm fried from home and work pressures. Patricia the night nurse is spending at least 2-4 nights a week helping. It's intense.

Mack is about 6 weeks old now and it feels rotten to only talk about his gassiness, though that's certainly the main concern of the day. He's going to be fine. He's got big eyes and hands and seems thicker than chicken-like Nate. He does tummy time better than Nate ever did. He grabs things tight.

We'll get through this but man, this is tough. Not much sleep going around if the night nurse isn't around.

Nate Status

Nate's been kissing Mack on the head a lot, watching Zumi-Zumi on TV, eating "bars", dancing by spinning on the floor, and brushing his teeth by essentially eating the bubble-gum flavored toothpaste. He's full of life, moody at times, bossy at times, whiney at times, but starting to want hugs from mommy and doling out kisses to daddy. He's 2 1/2 and trying to figure it out. We are crazy about him.

Struggling

Last night was rough. REALLY rough. We tried Patricia the night nurse's routine but Mack just wouldn't settle down. If you put him on his back, he gurgles and snorts and squawks; then, in 5-10 minutes, he shrieks like the building's on fire. It's so frustrating because the routine is designed around working hard for an hour in exchange for 1-2 hours of quiet. Here though, we were working that first hour hard, but getting no payoff. When you're fried to pieces, you die a little inside when that happens.

At 3AM, Mack and I went out to the couch. We continued the fruitless and frustrating routine. Shana grabbed a few crucial hours of sleep from 3-7AM, but Mack and I were denied. At 7AM, Nate awoke and Mack was hungry. Needles bit into my skin. Coffee would be the only thing in which I could find salvation.

Patricia will come tonight and every night thereafter until Mack goes to college, or we are dirt broke, whichever comes first.