First Night Without Carman the Baby Nurse

First night without Carman. We go in confident. We’d put Nate on a schedule. Feed every 3 hours and then stretch the evening feedings to 7:30pm, 11pm, 2:30pm and then sometime between 6-7. That did NOT work. Shana woke up twice during the night to feed him – I don’t think she really slept at all after 1ish – and I woke up at 5:30 to try to sooth him until 7ish. What a joke that was. He was inconsolable much of that hour and a half. His cries were shrieking and brutal. I thought I was so smart by turning on the apartment’s central fan – to simulate the womb – and that worked for like 20 minutes. Brilliant. Then it was about carrying him around and shhh’ing him while he wailed on and off mostly on. At 6:45am, I thought, fuck it, let’s feed this boy, and he’s crying his face off and I’m trying to microwave water to heat up his bottle. I had to chuckle like an imbecile at this moment before he could finally eat. He’s freaking out, Shana stumbles out to say, “I think you should feed him”, and I sigh “I know i know” and then finally the stupid water is sufficiently heated and the stupid bottle gets sufficiently warmed and finally, finally, he drinks his milk. Bingo. Then it’s time to change him after burping him. This was a disaster. Nate craps after I remove the diaper and I block it with a washcloth, the shit gets on his clothes, the changing table sheet, the washcloth, his socks. I forget to heat the water. he pees on me after I get a new diaper and wipe up all the shit spewed on the previous diaper. I give him a quick washcloth bath and change his clothes. There’s a heap of clothes and towels on the floor soiled with poop.